My Glorious Girlfriend Elena

At Last Love has found me! Let me hope that this one will beat the last. Please not physically for that beat will make me aroused.

> Hello my friend! Be not frightened please)), I the girl which wish to find the person, good person)) for friendship, and it am possible that more. My friend is registered on ashleymadison.com which I saw as it went on this site, and I became very interesting to me, have sat down nearby, and on eyes your profile has to me. The friend has offered also that I was registered, but I have heard not so more flat answers about a site, it will not be desirable, that I have been written by various people, therefore I have written down your address, and now I write to you from a box.
> I think, that it is necessary to tell about me directly. My name is Elena to me of 26 years. I live in the city of Moscow, it is the capital of my native land, I was never married, and children are not present at me. Now my heart is free. I very active person, like to have rest by the nature, very much I love coast and water kinds of sports meets. I will put a photo, I hope, that I also will like you)). Tell to me about itself, than you are occupied also that your real name. I hope for a prompt reply.
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> Your girlfriend Elena

Elena!

I know not how you find me on ashleymadison.com but you are be sure that my dream is now my day time. The picture you send has very handsome, I have not seen such wonderful dress since the Index Catalogue p.293 in 1998. Woman in Index Catalogue had very beautiful red jumper and I said on this day of jumper lady, "I am love jumper lady". Now you are just as nearly good as jumper lady, so I am now setting my eyes on your face for my touch times.

I have not frightened by your emails for me in fact I have the opposite of frightened, I has a feeling of anger. No I mean angel. My name is Rigobert Song, I am very popular in my home country and have moved here from Cameroon. My best friend is Eyal Berkovich, he used to play for West Ham United football club; he once had altercation with Razor Ruddock. Razor has since been on Come Dine With Me. Do you watch come dine with me in Moscow? What are your food of favourite? Let me try and guess. Is it flour? My favourite food is Gordon Ramsey.

This is very sad time that you are not with child, me myself am not have child. I have married for 4 years and every day we try for childs, sometimes we try at least 4 times a day, sometimes on my own I would try. Day would often finish with mouth full of hair and wife ravaged like Mr Kipling Bakewell Tart. Do you have Mr Kipling in Moscow? After 4 years now I find that my wife is in fact man and that is why no child is in him. He has long hair like Robbie Savage. Robbi Savage has very clever words, not like stupid wife though. Robbie Savage once says, ""John Toshack hates me."

Tell me dearest Elana, woman who if I threw bum in air would turn to sunshine, how can I next meets with you? I like already you say you are my girlfriend, this saves me time for trying to make you like me and instead we try for child and you wear Blue 1998 Leicester Shirt with 'Savage 9' on the back.

Next time I will send photo or will you please look at picture slot 88 in World Cup 1998 Sticker Album in Cameroon section. Empty space mean that you have this Panini sticker adhesived on your heart.

I bless you from the heart of my bottom.

Rigobert Song

Dreams that knock your confidence

My dreams last night were really odd. I was on a date and spotted something in my teeth, when I pushed my tongue through the back it was a hole and my tongue came through like a worm. I noticed a few more holes and did the same with each until my mouth looked like one of those plasticine hairdresser toys.

I stopped doing it and looked at my tongue and it had huge cuts through it and gaping wounds and my mouth carried on filling with blood. I realised that I was in the toilet on my date and I had to go back in and worried that when I kissed her my mouth would taste like blood and started thinking of ways to get out of it. I found some hair gel in the toilet and did my hair like Mark Eg from that interview and started acting like him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W1y0g8lJkw

I sat at the table with a girl I didn't know who was apparently my date and talked to her in that style until she made her excuses and left. I just sat at the table with my head in my hands and blood pouring over the nice white cloth from my mouth.

The Paris ite Fashion Show

Patricia moved slowly towards the stage to collect her award. She was a vision of beauty. Her face taught with cheekbones almost poking through her skin, her surface a blinding shade of yellow and her arms were the latest in hive adornment as she appeared to have Toblerones attached to her arms that you could tell had been painstakingly nurtured to ensure that her valued visitors broke the skin in a linear pattern and having incredible similarities to the pyramids where she first contracted these furrowers of fashion.

Her back hunched with such beauty that only years of debilitating walking could achieve and this was solely down to her constant submission to her abdominal cramps and the willpower to be hunched over for hours at a time rather than take some kind of medication. She was a vision of wonder and a role model to everyone in the room.

Her bulbous stomach on the point of bursting and natures own stitch-marks almost a silhouette of her intestines were visible through the thin puss coated bandage corset.

After being wheeled on stage she clears her throat into a sample pot, cleverly supplied by the latest supporters of fashion 'The Well Travelled Clinique' as part of their 'Host more than a fashion show' campaign. The spotlight hits her, as it shines up her face like an amber traffic light a pustule above her left eye splits open to release a veil of gossamer over her left shoulder, small spider-like creatures scurry out and each grab a strand of hair. They run to the back of her head and burrow into holes giving her an instant face-lift. This is a well rehearsed routine and one that only Patricia herself could only pull off. A gasp of awe comes from the crowd, "She's a fucking genius" rings in her ears as the stench of brine and bile surrounds her like a forcefield.

Patricia started all this. She was the first one who travelled the world picking these hosts with such delicacy and helping them grow inside her. They were the must have accessories. Within 6 months many copied. Matthew Williamson was acrimoniously rejected from London Fashion Week with a horrible piggyback campaign for children with mere worms. This fashion was instantly the supermarket hit. Cheap, easily transferrable and needed no strict regime to help them grow. Parents encouraging their children to bite their friends fingernails after they'd been to the toilet smacked of lower class scummery. The very idea was scoffed by the Fashion World and Williamson was pigeon-holed as a Wallmart Warrior. Worms were common, they had no place at this parade.

She was a Queen in front of her peers, as she lurched forwards she vomited her words out. "I have achieved much in my time. This is no time in Fashion for the weak and the timid, you must control your fashion and not the other way around". Eyes turned to Bernard Amos in the corner, sitting in his chair with his half paralysed body desperately trying to pull the oxygen mask over his face. Bernard was a 21 year old student who had too much too young. On a travelling adventure with the abhorrent Max Gogarty he collected fine samples from Indonesia, Western Africa and the border of Mongolia. Many had not seen this style before, it appeared to visually cripple the outside whilst keep the inside completely intact. Many thrived for these rarities, however he was eager to impress. With only 8 weeks until the next big show, Bernard used organic foods and injected cortisone into his kidneys and bladder to help the progress of his proteges. He was too hasty and soon his accessories became the accessoriser.

This was a time where beauty was not only skin deep, it was deeper. To be alone was to be nobody, doctors would judge you on your eosinophil count and Patricia was a God.